Not Cuz God Needed To Hear This, But Because I Did

I can't seem to get back to sleep

The rain is just pourring down outside

I love it!

I can't help but feel Thankful tonight

I have been given so much

And how easily I lose sight 

Allow my focus to drift to lack and want

I was in a miserable mood yesterday night

Out of nowhere

For no particular reason

My poor husband, 

Happy and Light 

On our 9 year anniversary

Comes home to his wife

The torrent of negative words

Self loathing

And cool affection

I felt bad about myself

Felt like a failure

Guilt

Perfection not met that day

I snapped at Trevor

"I'm going to bed"

More guilt

As I lay on top of covers

Talking to God

Or venting

Listening to Trevor downstairs and hurting for him

But also feeling stuck in my own misery

Like, actually stuck

Thought comes to grab my journal and write about my Thankfulness

Not cuz God needed to hear this

But, because I did

As pen met paper

Slowly at first

"I'm Thankful for my amazing husband, and the 9 years You have given me with him

I'm Thankful for our beautiful home

I have a Home!

The steam room, in our basement,  that Trevor made with his own hands

He is so Talented and Creative

I'm Thankful for the sunshine today

My new coffee grinder and beans

Fresh fruit and vegetables everyday
The Gift of caring for Trevor

I'm Thankful, Father, that You teach Trevor and I 

That You speak to us, and help us in life

You never leave us alone, and on our own to figure things out

I'm Thankful that I feel so healthy and strong, as of late

I Love both of my jobs, all of the amazing women I do life with!

I'm Thankful for the beautiful day with my Mom and Grannie"

My heart started to fill

The heaviness lift

I didn't feel alone anymore

I suddenly wanted to hug Trevor and Kiss him

I wanted to pray for him

Bless him

Tell him how much I adore him

My mouth was filled with Thanks

I have so much

Even now

Tonight

In the wee hours of the morning

Rain still falling

I think of how green our grass will be tomorrow

The grass that Trevor has tenderly nurtured back from a speckled yellow

My flowers are getting a huge drink, and I'm excited to see the buds, burst Yellow and Pink

Tomorrow holds Americano Misto's with a dear friend

Business dreaming and learning

Cleaning our Home and caring for my husband

Quiteness

Home made Pizza 

Date with Trevor

Father, How great is the Love You have Lavished on us that we should be called The Children of God, and that is who we really are!  Your kids.  Your Beloved ones.  Your heirs.  Blessed and Highly favored.  Recipients of Your Love and Kindness.  Your Grace and Mercy.

Oh Father, my heart is so Thankful tonight.

Thank You for rescuing us, and giving us a Home in You.

My life is more than what I once dreamed it would be

And You still have more for us

Than we could ask or imagine

You take the Little

You take the One

The Small

The Weak

You make it all Beautiful

Thank You

XOXOXO