So, its time to get a job. Its been 3 months since I graduated from Mercy...... 3 months! It feels like decades ago.
Getting a job is not just "getting a job" to me. To be honest, I've been avoiding it. In my mind, getting a job means, busyness, go go go, no time for myself, pouring out, getting drained, keeping a smile on, getting overwhelmed by life, getting stressed, sick, losing weight to cope..... and so on.... I guess it's safe to say that there is a lot of fear attached to this decision.
There is also the HUGE questions.....
What do I want to do?? What am I good at??
Do you ever feel like your passions, and interests pull you in many different directions?..... How do I choose one that I want to pursue? Also, I'm almost 30... it seems a little late to be making decisions about pursuing passions that I should have been thinking about when I was 18.
We had a Pastor come to Mercy, who was sharing with us about his life.. and how he came into the ministry. He said when he was a teenage boy, he didn't know what to pursue in life... what his purpose was (sounds familiar ?) So his mother sat down with him and asked him to make a list of all the things he was good at.
His list went:
1. Hanging out with friends.
* His mother, trying not to show her worry, "Okay, lets keep going... what else are you good at?"
2. I like to eat junk food.
*Mother - wanting her son to dig deep..... believing that there had to be something that her son was good at... Hoping! "...... Okay, son...... I'm sure you are great at eating junk food..... Is there anything else that you are good at?"
3. I can kinda play the drums.. but I'm not very good.
* Mother prays silently..... "Oh God, what do we do with this list??"..... "Okay, Son.... Let's Give this List to God, and see what He does with it"
So they prayed.......
Years later, as the Pastor told us, He got the opportunity to become a youth leader. What were his main tasks in that role..??
1. Hanging out with kids!
2. Eating junk food!
3. Playing the drums for their youth band!
That story has stuck with me.. and it popped up in my head right now as I'm writing, thinking about what in the heck I am supposed to do with my life.....
It reminds me that all God needs is a willing heart... and He will use anything!
So, I'm gonna make a list... I've never done this before.. I'm kinda nervous.... (I feel like my list is going to be super random... and maybe a little frustrating for me to see on paper.... oh well, here goes.... )
Christina's Talents: (kinda ?)
1. I like to collage and put scriptures in some form of art so that it stands out to me, it makes the scripture come alive to me somehow. Helps me to visualize myself in the scripture....
A piece I made for a friend
2. I like to cook.... for Trevor anyway... I like to make new healthy colorful meals. We take pictures of our plates..... Trev, also likes to take pictures of different burgers or weird meals he tries. We have a computer file full of pictures of our dinner's .... haha... sooo lame!
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Breakfast last Saturday.
3. I like to... and I think I'm good at documenting our life..... I take pictures of everything! (see point number 2!) and I like to share it with people..... usually its little stuff that no one else really seems care about in the same way that I do :)
Date Night a Few weeks ago!
Trev Volunteered to clean up after dinner while I had a bath.
I found this container of pasta sauce in the tupperware cupboard the next morning. Made me laugh!
A flower I saw on my run one morning.... Beauty growing in a hard place!
Daisy's from a friends back yard...... Love note!
4. When I discover something new... like a new band, recipe, store, healthy alternative, podcast, book, movie, anything funny etc... that I Love... I Need to tell everyone... like I can't hold it in.... Usually though, it's things that everyone knew about like 2 years ago.. I'm just discovering it! I get really really passionate about things.... I think if I was cooler... I would want to do a "Christina's Favorite Things Give -Away" like Oprah's..... I'm actually getting giddy just thinking about it!
Funny because.... This is me... I'm terrified of Birds!.... texted it to everyone!
Love Love Love Burt's Bees.... My skin has never been more healthy!
So Talented!!
5. I listen to people. Challenge myself, to hear what they are "Really" saying behind the words that the are speaking.
6. I like to watch people (especially young women).... learn things, notice the things they are good at, passions I see in them, things that make them unique or special..... then I like to make them things... or encourage them in those areas.
My beautiful little sister Gabby, Loves fashion and hair, and art... She's super smart... Gonna do something creatively Great!
My other precious sister, Billie. Loves animals.. especially horses. Quiet, soft, very influential in everything she does.... Going to impact and touch many!
7. I love music.... Like LOVE!.... Can't play any instruments (really really wish I did) Would like to learn, Guitar, Drums, bongo's. I can sing....... Not great though... (Would like to have voice lessons someday.... might make me better...) (I sometimes record myself on my voice memo's on the I phone.... Yikes.. can't believe I just shared that :) Don't judge!
8. I love to write. I sometimes write songs.... they are not very deep or inspiring, though.... they are more simple songs.... none the less, my heart toward God.... or His heart toward me. Don't ever share them!... Actually I don't even know if they could be considered songs!
9. I Love to dance. It's hard to worship, or hear Spirit led music and not move and dance. I have not had lessons. I have no technique....... But I have pictures in my head of dances, dance teams, worship arts (painting to worship, which I also love but have had no training in.... and am not very good)
I daydream about dances and dramatic pieces led by the Holy Spirit...... But that is about where it ends... don't even know where to start with that one :)
So powerful!
I can't help but wonder what is happening (things that we can't even understand) as she's allowing her body to be used by Holy Spirit!...... ( I would love to meet her someday. When I was like 19 I got the application for her school of dance, but never followed through because ballet training was a prerequisite.)
10. I can sit and talk to old people for a long time...... I love to listen to stories. I find I can be myself so easily, and share things with them. I think I am just so hungry to learn, to grow....... so I always ask a ton of questions....
11. I can keep our home in order and organized. Laundry schedule, food, cleaning, groceries, bills. And I love doing it!! I could stay at home and keep myself busy.... I could never ever work a "job" again, outside of the home.. and be perfectly content.. no... happy!
12. I'm not the greatest wife.... But I long to be! To learn to be more selfless, and considerate.. to be a better friend and safe place for Trevor. To pray more, use my words to build him up, allow him to be fully himself.... and learn to Love whatever that entails, to watch him flourish and face fears, and follow his dreams.... Yup... A hearts desire of mine, for sure!
I've Got a really unique husband... like really...... special.. (not in the "slow" way)..... but in the "God, help me to be the kind of wife this energetic, crazy, passionate man needs!.... Please!"
13. I can pray... but my prayers are pretty self centered.
14. I like to bake for people. If you ever get baking from me.... It is me saying with all my heart... I love you! I bake every week for Trev's lunch, and it makes me so happy and fills me with Joy to make something I think he will love and get excited about.
Apple Crisp Bites.... got a really good deal on Apples... so I made apple everything for awhile!! Trevor Loved them!....... and of course, I took a picture!
15. I'm good at looking for sales, and getting good deals on stuff.... then.... telling everyone and their dog about it! haha.
Found my Burts Bees Stuff at Winner's for $16.99.... when the same stuff is at Walmart for $24.99.... say whaaat!
Deal of a Lifetime! $280.00 worth of shoes, the price I paid..... $26.88. It was a Shoe Warehouse closing sale. Every pair of Shoes was 2 for $12.00.... Craziness!
16. I really like fashion.... I hesitate to say Love because I'm not super trendy.. and I don't superior fashion sense (other than my own ideas)...... but I think about clothes... a lot..... and not very much excites me like fashion....shopping (even if I don't buy anything... or I'm shopping for someone else), looking at fashion blogs, seeing new trends, colors, putting together outfits.. helping someone else put together outfits, accessories, hair styles, braids, (I wish I could sew so that I could make some of the ideas for dance dresses that floating around in my head.) Getting awesome deals on clothes, Thrift shopping, color me beautiful website, makeup.
17. I try to be healthy (not always successful... aka.. diet pop battle, chocolate distraction...... ) But I am Super interested in fitness ( thanks to Megan and Lauren ), natural alternatives, healthy eating (thanks to my dad and Karlie)........ and again..... I tell everyone, everything I learn!
Trev and I just ran 7 Km's last night..... I can hardly believe it!...... again.. something little to most.. but to me (and Trev)..... Big night at the Lewis home!
So..... I think that completes my list. All of the things on my list, are things I enjoy.. maybe even safe to say passionate about....... All of them, are things that I have no training, education ...... or even extreme talent in.
I'm looking for a part time job right now... I'm not even sure where to look or what to look into. The things inside me are so broad and random. I cannot even imagine how all of these things can fit into some sort of profession......
All I know to do is give this list to God..... and see where He takes me.
Father, its so cool to see what you did with that Pastor Terry's list of things... (talents...?) and how you worked them into something awesome and perfect for him. Dad, I give you my scattered, random list..... In my limited, human, insecure mind, I don't know where or what any of this could lead me to..... something that could fulfill me, touch others, and contribute financially to our home? God, I don't have training...... I'm sub-par at most of these things.... but I really really love em..... I believe you've placed them in my heart. Sooooo...... I give you this list..... Ahhh.... I give you my heart. I give you my life. Can you make something beautiful out of these things? I'm releasing these "talents" into your hands... I trust You.......... Lead me. Use me. Give me the courage to walk through the doors You open. And I definitely know that You will get the Glory for this life, and this girl who was so lost, and so broken.
You are so good, and I just Love you. I just Love You, Father.
I forgot one:
18. Color....... I really Love Color!
that's all.......
Oh, and Trev reminded me of one more....
19. Lists! I'm good at making a list out of anything... really.. anything!
K, that's all.....
XOXO
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