H O M E

A friend challenged me to sit down and write.  To think about what fills me, what gives me life and Joy.  Don't think, just write with the flow that comes..... So I did.

This is what came out of my heart.  It actually surprised me.

Every Month, when I was a little girl, we would receive the Sears Catalogue in the mail.

I'm sure for some, the catalogue was shopping, made convenient and easy from home.  Some, it may be a visual source to make a birthday or Christmas list.

For me, however, the Sears Catalogue filled a whole different purpose.

I remember so clearly, sitting down with... (okay, fighting and stressing to make sure I was the first one that got to read) the new flawless catalogue, opening the pages (always starting from the beginning) I can still smell that new plastic smell. Ahhhh!

I had my scissors and glue in hand, and I would begin to dream

I would start with the Woman's section, and pick out Me (in the future).. ha ha.. usually the one with the most beautiful dress and longest blond hair (I used to hate my brown hair... now I like it )..... Then I'd embarrassdly rocket through the woman's underwear section!

Next I would pick out my husband... (Which always ended up being an older man with silver in his hair, and kind eyes.. so funny that I always by passed all the young men).. I always tell Trevor that I cannot wait until he gets old and grey..... I'm really not just saying that!  Now, I'd definitly make sure I skipped the men's underwear section... Sick! (as I would say in my 9 year old mind) Why would anyone ever look at this!!  Just gross!

Then my favorite part was to pick out babies, toddlers and kids.  Every colour.  Every shape.  Blue eyes, green eyes.... I didn't care!.... I'd just pick out a handful of cuties that would be Mine! 

Then, I'd get busy and start picking out their rooms.... down to every last piece of furniture.  Each one different to match their (made up) personalities and interests......

I'd pick out everything for the rest of my "Home," curtains, couches, bed spreads, kitchen layouts, ......

By the time I was done, I'd have pages full of excitement for my future and all that it could hold.

I was creating Home

My mom says that I have always been a "little mother."

I'd be gone all day, with my friend Erika, pushing our cabbage patch dolls in strollers, up and down the back streets (literally just walking back and forth with our babies, all day!) Stopping, walking around to the front of the stroller to check our babies, whenever cars would go by, just so they would KNOW that we were seriously attentive mothers!!

When my little sister Kathy was born, I thought she was a gift just for me.  My own real live doll!!

I could be found playing house.... usually by myself, as my brother and sister were far more into playing detective and hunting frogs than eating my supper made of leaves on a rock, and twig forks.

Home

After school, we would walk into a house smelling like fresh baked buns, or cookies

 It smelled like Home

In Spring, my mom would open up all the windows to let the fresh air in.  Hang all our clothes out on the line.. Nothing beats that crisp line hung sheet smell....... Ahhhhhh!

Home

Our cluttered old farm house, always smelling of Pine sol and Windex.  Bright orange and red linoleum, and a ceiling stained yellow from cigarette smoke.

Wood walls, a huge picture window that allowed the afternoon sun to make a cozy warm napping spot on the couch after peanut butter sandwiches and Flinstones.

Home

Mom would make dinner, while us kids watched Goof Troop.  When dad got home, we'd all eat supper together, kids kicking each other under the table. Talking about our days, sometimes just eating in hungry silence... Then fight about who's turn it was to help with dishes.  

Home

Walk with dad.  Homework.  Baths.  Mom made lunches.  Shelling peanuts with dad by the fire. 

Home

At bed time, Mom would come in and pray with us.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.. (yikes... sounds a little morbid now!) 

God bless_________________ (then I would list off every single person I knew.... My mom would just sit there and listen and agree)

Then she would pray for me (whatever I wanted prayer for,) tell me that she Loved me.

Home

Then Dad would come in.  Lay on my bed with me.  Sometimes we would talk.  Sometimes he would read Tom Sawyer or Gulliver's travels..... Sometimes he'd stroke my hair.  He always kissed me and told me he Loved me.

Home

There probably wasn't a night gone by (for a few years anyway) when I didn't wake in the middle of the night, terrified.  Sometimes I would yell for my mom, and she'd come in and pray with me...... Sometimes, I would muster up all my 8 year old courage and high-tail it it to my parents room... Stand at the end of their bed (sometimes for like an hour) before I'd say "Can I sleep with you?... I'm scared"

Home

Home is my mom on the phone (untangling the extra long cord we "just needed", but is now just a giant knot) with her coffee and cigarette, gabbing and laughing about her day

Home is her old purple prayer journal on the table, filled and worn with pen pressed heart cries to God

Home is my dad widdling walking sticks in his chair by the fire

Home is dancing to Bony M in the basement with Carl and Kathy

Home is spending all my allowance at the dollar store to buy random nicknack's (of cats....lol... I loathe cats!) to make my room more cozy.

Home is frantically shoving all the junk in drawers and rooms, doing a once around the house with air freshener, as company is driving up the lane.

Home is the daily bouquets of bug infested wild flowers and wild wheat (that mostly smelled like feet)

Home is dusty curtains that dad keeps threatening to throw out (between sneezes)

No Name boxes of cookies (Always slightly open, causing early staleness but also easy sneaking accessibility)

Saturday night Kinsman TV Bingo

Sunday night Disney movie

Dads ginormous metal popcorn bowl, filled to overflowing (and sometimes filled up again!)

Home is mom singing old hymns.

Home is me singing into my dads little tape recorder to Disney songs (Then leaving it out for someone to find, and acting appalled when they pick it up and listen)

Home is Carl practising his Karate moves after an episode of Ninja turtles (usually on me and Kathy)

Home is the new kittens snuck into our rooms, and blankets shoved under the door to muffle the meows.

Home is mom in the garden for hours

Home is having to shell all the peas she just picked from the garden,  for hours!

Home is Kathy outside with the dog (Or Kathy outside... period.)

Home is playing catch with dad

Sliding on Spring ice in our rubber boots, falling through (every time) and walking home soaked to the bone and shivering.

Home is getting filthy outside (and coming in covered in wood ticks)...... even then, I was never one to get filthy :)

Home is potato bugs, skiidoos, sandboxes, wiener roasts and bonfires

Home is horses, and new baby colts

Home is the sound of distant cows

Home is an unfinished basement (for years)

Home is running from chickens and turkeys all summer and then being forced to help butcher those things in the fall! (Absolutely the worst!!!)

Mismatched furniture

Dusty fake flower arrangements

Home is random kids everywhere (Mom loved having people over!)

Homemade Halloween costumes

Sitting in big trees, walks to the Pig Place

Home is dances and routines made up to the "Mini Pops" hit songs, and performed for whoever would watch.

Home is liver and onions, thick (gag reflux causing) porridge

Home is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... Year after year.

Home is chaotic and Peaceful 

Home is messy and clean

Happy and sad

Loving and hurtful

Home is warm places in my heart

Home is the pain in my heart

Home is who I am and what I was made for

Home is what I long for everyone to have

Home is my story, which has only begun!

There is Hope For Home

XOXOXO