Life...

 I've been in treatment for 8 months.  Sheltered, fed, lovingly guided in what to do and when, prayed for, immersed in the word of God, surrounded by mentors and friends round the clock.  

I wouldn't be lying to say that I was most comfortable there, safe, nurtured, protected.

Last Tuesday, I was, for lack of a better term, warmly budged out of the nest, and head first into life.

Life.   You would think that this would be a time of pure elation and excitement (don't get me wrong, if I dig a little.. its there) but mostly, I feel lost.  maybe life, to anyone else would seem natural, light and effortless.  To me, it feels foreign, cryptic and concealed.  It hit me that I have walked more of my life at age 29 with an eating disorder than I have without.... so basically, I am 29 going on 13.

I felt to start a blog, actually, the thought came to me at 2:57AM two nights ago. The Truth is that God has transformed my life, healed me and set me free in the past eight months.  I am new,  there is no doubt about that.  Now, I get to unearth this whole Christina, and discover how to flourish in this in this new found liberty.  Great.... How in the freaking world do I do that?

 I want this place to be a home for my heart.  A place where I can be honest about my struggles (which, there will be many), pause in my moments of triumph, express myself to God and process with Him the things roaming around in my head(this will make Trevor happy to not be on the receiving end of ALL my processing).  It would be cool if my journey of learning to walk again could help another young woman, someday, who is facing the same foreign open space in front of her.

I'm a little nervous to embark on this adventure of being real..... with myself, with God, and with anyone else who may ever read these chronicles.  I think that every single person on earth has HUGE things in their heart, and that we could all learn so much by engaging in each other's stories.  Its amazing how my world is impacted by unreal and admirable dear friends as I read their own memoirs.  

So... here we go Christina.  A new Chapter.  A new beginning.......

God, can you help me to embrace life, I want to find You... like really find You.  I want to walk with You in Your unforced rythms of Grace..... and maybe enjoy the adventure a little.