Get Out of My Life!

She is Clothed with Strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

A life verse for me I think........  

 I want words like  panick, stress, insecurity, dread, scared, and worry to be words that neither I, nor anyone else would associate with me.  Questions like "What would I do if?" "Can you imagine what would happen if?"  to be out of my vocabulary and thought process.

I want fear out of my life.  I want it out from the foundations of my motives.  I want fear out of my marriage, out of my relationships, out of my decisions.

I've been listening a lot to Beth Moore Lately, Because I know that she has overcome a lot of Fear in her own life.  I feel like I can really relate with her, and I am learning so much.

She will have no fear of bad news

She confidently Trusts in the Lord to care for her

Her heart is secure

She is confident and fearless

In the end, she will look in triumph on her foes

Psalm 112:7&8 (NIV &NLT)

Its that fear of the bad news that gets me.  and its not just the tragedy bad news that I fear.  Its the big and the small bad news.  Its the ten years down the road and the 5 minutes away bad news.  

I am realizing that fear is at the root of every negative thing in my life, and at the foundation of the way I live a lot of my life.  

What am I so afraid of?

1. Being hurt.  I am terrified of it.  I avoid it t all costs.  If I feel the slightest amount of hurt I want to make it go away.  I fear that I would not survive another heart break.

2. Being rejected.  I fear that if the real me were seen, my whole heart, my true thoughts and feelings that I would be detestable, unlovable, unwanted.

3.  I fear failing.  I fear stepping out and being shamed in front of everyone.  Ridiculed, mocked.

4.  I fear being alone.  Being abandoned by those who I would open my heart and my life up to.

5.  I fear not being in control.  Can I trust anyone else to take care of me?  Can I really rely on someone else?  

6.  I fear losing those I love or watching them go through hard times and pain and being helpless.

7.  I fear being forgotten.  I fear being so insignificant that I go unnoticed, unvalued, unseen, overlooked.  I fear being unimportant to anyone

8. I fear going back to my old life.  I fear that the choices I make would be far to powerful for God to fix or save me from.  I fear that He would give up on me.

 Mostly,  I fear that I am not strong enough in and of myself.   I fear any bad news the future may bring suddenly would be too much for me to handle, and I fear that I would callaps underneath the weight of it.... and I fear that God would forsake me...... and I would be utterly alone and defeated.

And these fears literally rule my life.  The What-if's? dominate my thoughts and control my decisions. 

Beth says that Fear does 2 things.  One, it makes me settle for things in the present that completely destroy abundant life.  This is so true for me.  How many times have I held back from something I am passionate about for fear of failing and being humiliated?  How many times have I withheld my excitement and love back from Trevor for fear of my heart being rejected? I've held in thoughts and feelings.  I've done things in moments of insecurity that make me shudder now.  I've given up, given in.  isolated myself, given my heart away.  I've settled for things that are less than God's best for me, God's gifts for me,  because I feared that there was nothing better for me, and all the choices I have made out of fear bear consequences to some degree.

The second thing that fear does is insult the Grace of God that will be piled up for me in heaps when hardship does come my way.  How many times have I lay awake at night with my mind rolling with worry and torment over the what if's, and strategizing what I can do to assure these things do not become a reality.  It is easy for me to picture myself in the pain and anguish, the destruction of the bad news, but I never seem to picture God with me, giving me strength, comforting me, helping me back up on my feet and making me stronger than ever.

A heart that is steadfast and Trusts in God goes past the question "What will I do if.....?" and allows God's words to be the Louder Voice. 

 God says,  No, Christina, What will I do if........?

I will Protect you and stretch out my hand against your enemies.  I will not abandon you or leave you alone.  I will complete my purpose in your life. (Psalm 138:7,8)

I will will work all things, every detail of your life into something good ( Romans 8:28 MSG)

I'll give you strength.  I'll help you.  I'll hold you steady and keep a firm grip on you. (Isaiah 41:10 MSG)

The battle is not yours but mine.  You will not even need to fight.  You will see my Victory.  I am with you. (2 Cor 20:15, 17 NLT)

I give you my weapons with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4 NLT)

I will delight to show you Mercy and unfailing Love (Micah 7:18 NIV, NLT)

I will meet all your needs, according to My riches. (Philippians 4:19 NLT)

My Grace, favor and Loving kindness is all you need.  It is sufficient against danger and enables you to bear the trouble (2 Corinthins 12:9 AMP)

My Strength and Power are most effective when you are weak. (2Corinthians 12:9 AMP)

I will prepare a feast for you in the presence of your enemies.   I revive your drooping head and overflow your cup with blessing (Psalm 23:5 NLT, MSG)

I will do infinitely more than you could ever even ask or imagine through my mighty power that is at work within you. (Ephesians 3:20)

God:

What are you afraid of, Love?  Why are you so afraid to run with those things that I have placed in your heart?  They are yours.  They are a gift from me.  You are allowed to run.  Permission granted to be excited, to explore, to step out, to create.  Its in you, and its Me.  

You cannot fail, for I am so much bigger in you, than he that is in the world!

Me:

God, I'm so scared, and I don't even know where to go from here.  I feel like I'm bursting at the seems with a million different ideas..... I don't even know where to start.  I feel smothered in passion and overwhelmed by dreams and they all seem to be going in different directions..AHHHHH.... How do I step out if I have no idea what to step out into?  I have no training of any sort.  It seems like everything I am passionate about, there is someone out there who is skilled and trained and could do it a hundred times better than me!  I'll look like a fool.  Where do I get training I have more than one thing that I need to be trained in??  I need help.  

God:

Love, you are so worried about a lot of things, but only one thing is important.  Just wait, let Me connect the dots.  Allow Me to keep opening your heart and leading you.  Stop trying to figure everything out in your head.  Its not a natural thing, its a supernatural thing.  Just like I'm a God of Miracles who came into your life with a miraculous salvation.  I rescued you, from yourself.  Just like I did that.  I am a God of Miracles who is going to do for you what you have not been able to make happen yourself.  Can you trust me?  Can you move when I say move?  Step out when I tell you? You are not alone, I am speaking, I am growing you, I am connecting you.  I am teaching you.  I am for you!  I am for you!  I delight to give you the desires that I have placed in your heart.  They are for my purposes, and it is my commitment to see them come to pass in your life.  

I direct your paths.  I watch over your steps, they are ordered of me.

Me:

Abba, I need you right now.  I'm so tired. Help me to let You in.....