In church, we learned about priorities. An example was used of rocks in a vase. There are big, medium and small rocks. Big are the things in life that I value most, medium are tasks (things that are still important and have to be done) and small are things that I would like to do, but they don't hold the highest priority on my time. The vase is my life, and I have been challenged as to how I will fit all these rocks into my vase. I feel like its so easy to fill my vase with small rocks leaving no room for the rocks that give my life purpose and meaning.
So, after much thought......
Christina's Big Rocks:
1) God - Now when I look at this rock, I can honestly say that living my life with God is of utmost importance to me. And I'm not having a problem fitting this big rock into my days. In fact, I am realizing that the God rock in my life may even be a bit out of balance. I take things very literally, usually. So when I read or hear a message saying to spend time with God, read the word, worship, pray, be quiet in His presence, I do it. Guilty enough, I don't always evaluate and question the teaching before implementing it in my daily life. So I spend ALOT of time "with God" in a day, but it ends up with a lack of my attention in other areas. There are days when I have the time to sit and soak, read and pray, but there are other days when life is busy, but I think I "need" to keep up these spiritual disciplines - so I end up being really tired and stressed out trying to juggle "everything" and my time with God is no longer a joy to me.. but something that feels heavy.
2) Trevor - I am in Love with the boy, I really am. And although he has my thoughts, affections, my heart, he doesn't always get the best of me. It seems like after all my daily tasks (God stuff included) I don't have much in the way of "full of life" Christina to offer him. I have thought that Trevor was the one "missing it." He doesn't spend hours reading his bible. He would rather listen to the Foo Fighters than "anointed music", and his prayers are like 2 sentences flat. Last Sunday at church, the Pastor did a demonstration showing how all the separate baking ingredients are nothing alone, but together they make a cake. When I asked Trevor (like I always do) what he learned at church, the only thing he even remembered (from the entire service) was that she was holding a chocolate cake (as a prop) and he really really wanted a piece. Needless to say, he does not take things (including God) as serious as I do. I don't really blame him either. He sees the time and effort, business and stress I put into juggling "everything" and then afterward, I'm not even happy and rested, I'm grouchy, tired, and I have no patience for Trevor's jokes or foolishness...(oh my gosh.... listen to these thoughts...... who's the fool??)
At least Trevor is happy. He laughs, jokes, hangs out with friends. He loves to have fun. He loves God, loves me, loves people. And he sleeps!
I'm not saying that all Trevor's rocks are all perfectly in place and that I need to be like him, but I do know that he enjoys life a heck of alot more than me.
3) Relationships - My last big rock. And this one is the one that's often seen sitting on the table next to the overflowing vase. I have a few really close friends, who I can be real with, enjoy, lean on. For the most part, though, relationships seem way more draining than filling to me. I want them. I desire them. I love people, encouraging women, helping others, laughing and doing crazy things. I want all sorts of relationships, couple friends, older women to learn from, younger girls to help, peers to share life with, elders to listen to, family, children (someday). I want to do life with others.
My mind is swimming with questions... See, I'm not sure how everything fits into my life. I do know that these three rocks, I cannot do without. They bring fullness to my life. Color.
I also know that God says to walk with Him and Work (not just spend the day being spiritual) with Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light, and I find Rest in Him. I wonder if I have even begun to really enjoy God.
My schedule is pretty open and free right now, so that allows me the freedom to learn and experiment with different routines. I know that my life will not always look this spacious, and my time as liberal, so I really want to learn what He means about this restful/working posture with Him.
If things in my life are tiresome and ill fitting, chances are that I am not walking in God's light and easy yoke, and I may even be spending my energy, time, and fighting my battles in the wrong place. In God's unforced rythms of Grace (His ability to do what He has asked of me), there should be a lightness, a freedom, and Joy.
I'm thinking about the possibility that instead of spending my days, my time and energy focused solely on "God time" that I can insert pauses into my days. Moments where I desire a connection with Him, where I stop and draw from Him. Moments where I inquire of Him, listen for His voice, and become aware of who He's placed in my path. Maybe my relationship with God is not about quantity, but quality, and essence.
There is this feeling that there are others who need my moments. And need me to be present and flowing, and even require the life on the inside of me.
The desire is growing in me, for a purposeful life. My eyes fixed on eternity. A life full (which may mean really busy) of adventure. I want to be Fully Alive!
A little park not far from our condo! 
Its super peaceful....There should be water in the pond it overlooks... but its empty...oh well :)So, that being said, I found a place (by my house) where I have been taking moments... pauses with God. I met a girl there today. Her name is Tikva. She was walking her dogs, and she was carrying a bible. I introduced myself, we chatted for a little while, but I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I wonder if she is hooked up with a young adults group? I wonder if she would ever want to come to women's group with me? Or even go out for coffee? I wonder why God had her cross my path today or if I will ever see her again?
Someone said "Never be too busy in life to insert a pause. A moment with God can be a miracle moment in my heart. And a pause for someone else can be a miracle in their lives."
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