Abba

If there was ever a time when I needed God.  Ever a time when I needed my eyes to be opened. To be supernaturally locked on Him.  If there was ever a time when I needed freedom from my enemy of fear.  I've come to the realization that I need saving from this anxiety and panic, worry, stress. I've run out of ways to fix myself, ways to care for myself.  I feel like I'm stuck with the Red Sea in front of me and the Egyptons behind me... If God doesn't part the sea and save me.... I feel like I'll be overtaken, swallowed up in dread (maybe that sounds a little dramatic, but it is all I can do to Trust that God has a plan right now) I so desperately need sleep, peace from tormenting thoughts.  Rest.  I need help to have a thankful heart.  Help to receive His Love.. the perfect kind.  I long to feel safe.  Secure.

  I long for Home

Psalm 27 

¹ The Lord is my Light and my Salvation—whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

³ Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, [even then] in this will I be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

⁵ For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; have mercy and be gracious to me and answer me!

⁸ You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].

⁹ Hide not Your face from me; turn not Your servant away in anger, You Who have been my help! Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation!

¹⁰ Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].

¹¹ Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain and even path because of my enemies [those who lie in wait for me].

¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen up against me; they breathe out cruelty and violence.

¹³ [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!

¹⁴ Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Abba, I belong to You

Just A Drive By The V Dub Dealership

Trevor is the

strong

silent type....

 cliche, I know.. but let me explain something that I believe that God is showing me about Trevor.

 Strength

 as defined by the dictionary,

 

the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor. 

Which is funny because, if you know or have seen Trevor;  he is tall and slim, smaller boned, and can't gain weight for the life of him.  I think there may have been a time in his life when he hated his petite frame which is vastly different from his dad and brother's stalky thick frame.  They both bear big arms and thighs, a broad chest, naturally. 

Trevor likes to work out, lift weights... although our life rarely allows him the time. Trevor's arms are sculpted, his body lean and pretty darn chiseled because of his day to day activity. He may be taller and slimmer than the rest of the boys in his family, and though he bears the same broad chest, to have the same  upper body capacity, would require a disciplined lifestyle of weightlifting (even then, all hard work and effort may lead to minimal change).  I don't however feel that Trevor was born for the gym and a bench press.  

Trevor is a worker

A builder

He is strong because of living his life

Agile, athletic, limber

Trevor's strength is in his arms, in his hands

He can use a tool. A hammer, a saw, a shovel, a drill.  He will use it to provide for me, for our children and future.  Use it to fix something for you.  He can build and create strong and sturdy, and detailed things.  He can carry, and lift, and dig. His arms are strong because he builds and works them

day in and day out..... for the ones he loves.

His hands are also strong.  He can hold a beer, drop everything and head to the pub to meet you. Even hold a glass of wine (if he thinks I would enjoy that more).  He can watch a movie with you, set up the DVD player, put away all the dvd's that are laying on top of the empty case (oops!).  He can operate the 3 remotes when I have no idea how to even turn the power on.  Eat an ice cream with you. Go stand in line and get me chocolate.  Play in the water and skip rocks.  He can laugh with you.. or at you... or be laughed at... whatever you need.  He can grab a butt, cop a quick feel when no one is looking.

He can pick up the phone.  Send a funny picture.  Pray. Hug. Put his hand on your back, and just leave it there. Surprise you.  Buy me an outfit.  He can hear a song and think of you... probably text you and tell you about it.  He can write an awkward heartfelt note and leave it on the counter for me to wake up to, only because he knows it will make me smile.  He can untangle my knotted, headphones, computer cords, seat belts and jewelry.  He can clean a toilet, or shower if it would lift a weight off of me.  He'll write out directions when I can't read a map.

He'll dance with me, feeling stupid. Wipe away a tear.  Come and stand behind me and fearfully put his hand on my sob heaving shoulders, not having a clue what is happening.

He can punch you when he sees a VW bug, or deliberately drive by the V dub dealership and go to town on my leg!

More so, what God is showing me

Trevor's  strength is in his heart

Trevor has this capacity, like I have not seen before, to hold people in his heart.  To make space for people in his life.   

To be a husband

A son  

A brother  

A friend

Trevor has a strength to be honored. 

 Day in and day out, Trevor lives his life with others.

I have seen him put his favorite book back on the shelf (the one that he's been trying to finish for a year now), look at, and walk by his guitar in the corner (the one he was created to play), 

give up a night with his X Box, or a new pair of shoes, or a day off for someone who needs him.

You know, 

Trevor doesn't spend hours at the gym, read fitness mags, consume suppliments, spend endless energy at the bench presses, trying to build physical strength (not that there is anything wrong with that)  To me, though, it seems a little ego-centrical.  Even a kinda pointless.... who would benefit from all that, other than self??  

Trevor's all round strength is framed by the everyday, rain or shine, high or low, year after year giving and sharing his life with those who have been placed in it by divine design.

Some of the other definitions of strength from the dictionary:

moral power, firmness, or courage, power by reason of influence, authority, resources,numbers

 To look at, the world may not choose him as the strongest most qualified man, husband, father...... Wait a minute... Man, lets be real here.. maybe I should  replace the word world with Christina (ouch!)

Christina may not always choose him as the strongest most qualified, man, husband, and father.....

 The world, also didn't think a young shepherd boy could slay a giant.

God sees something the World (Christina) doesn't

Day after day, David was being trained, readied and strengthened as he tended the sheep and gave his life for them.  Tested in his faithfulness and diligence at the job he was given.  There in the fields, as he used his hands, and arms, and mind, he was being positioned for something unimaginable to him.  

Trevor and David.  Doing all they know to do, what they love to do, what they were wired to do.... all the while, strength, courage and confidence being infused into their hearts.

If there is anything I don't want to do anymore, it is to look at Trevor and see what would be evident in the natural, in my own eyes......  I want to see what God sees when He looks at Trevor.  I want to see the reason why God anointed him, chose him... (out of everyone else who would potentially be more qualified) to be the hero, to slay the giant, to be a trophy of God's glory.

Open my eyes Lord.  Help me to see with your eyes.  Help me to

always see the King that Trevor is.  

Help me to never belittle a shepherd boy.

You are building something great, father...... 

You have built something great

What an honor to be his wife, and cheer as Goliath falls and Your name is lifted high.  What an honor to witness the wonder and rise of a king

Weak Made Strong

Trevor says I haven't written in a while.
He's right.  I feel like every time I sit down to write in the afternoon... I get super distracted.  Even if I have things on my heart that I am aching to write about.

I feel disappointed with my life

I feel like I'm floating

I just read in the bible today that it is in Him that I find out who I really am and why I am here

So I will wait..... I have no choice
It's not an option anymore to go back to my own way of being in charge, running fast, but going nowhere
I believe there is a better way to life 

There is this feeling ( a fickle feeling, as Joyce would say) (A stupid feeling as Trevor, would say) that God is not quite strong enough to hold me
To fix me
This feeling that if I fully lean on Him that He cannot fully support
Heal me
Set me free from my self (compulsions, impulsions and all)

I have a  catastrophic apprehension to
Fall into Grace

This song has been playing in my head for like the past week.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus Blood and Righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly Trust in Jesus Name

Christ Alone, Cornerstone
The weak made strong
In the Savior's Love
Through the Storm
He is Lord
Lord Of All

Christ in me
The Hope of Glory

Christ in me
The Hope of Glory

Awake my Soul to Christ in me, My Hope 

Kind of a  downer of a post... but it's one of those days......

Sing It Shawn!

So I have merged a quote I found on Pintrest with my own... ready... it's pretty sweet...

Fully enjoy the moment that I'm in

 It won't last forever

Have faith in the moment that is hard

It, too, will not last forever

It takes more courage to live fully

in each moment

Trusting that the One who holds the next

is bigger than me

I could also add to the end:

Is Stronger than me

Is Better than me

Is Wiser than me

More Exciting, Fun and Adventurous than me

or just plain old

Knowing that the One who holds the next moment, Loves me!

Moments and Love notes from my Father, in the past few......

Healthy Meals with Trevor...... This one is my meal

This one is Trev's meal..... Still can't bring myself to do the red meat thing... At least I see veggies on his plate!

Fall Walks!

Had a notion to stop by the local thrift store.. only to find that they had a 60% off everything sale!

All this for $23.00!  Woot!

Laughs 

Hanging with my beautiful friends... Trev took the picture.  He hung with us too.... I love that he's cool to listen to girl talk (although there is the occasional outbreak of the Iphone out of boredom... lol)

Trev's parents stayed with us for a few days!  Good times had by all... as you can tell by Trev's face!

Roaming Downtown Vancouver!...... It's a car with all these trinkets stuck to it!

Reminded that God's gonna do miracles for and in the people I Love!

Daily Truth!  And boy do I ever need it!!

Been seeing crazy amounts of triple 4's.... I really need to research the biblical meaning of this...... I'm gonna say 5 or 6 times in that past week...... Soooo Exciting!

I did, however, learn that a triple digit means completion (or a completed work)

Also, that 5 means Grace!

So my new favorite number sequence is 555

Pure completed Grace for me!  

I could just jump and dance right now!

Trevor went out, in the rain (he would want me to add that detail) last night, to get me a bit of dark chocolate..... and I'm not even pregnant!.... (yet :)

What a sweet man I have!

A moment that happened this morning:

I went for a walk.  It was so beautiful out.  I passed the play park, and there were no kids for a change, so I stopped and laid down on this huge saucer swing in the sunshine.  I was just laying, eyes closed, swinging back and forth.  I felt God's presence wrapped around me, so calming and so strong.  I felt like a little girl.  As I laid there, the chorus of a song popped up in my heart.

Everything's gonna be alright

Rockabye

It was such a sweet moment with God

Almost home, I was walking up to our apartment, there was a dad holding his baby.  His back was to me, walking ahead of me, but the baby girl was facing me.  I smiled at her... she was so stinking cute..... she looked at me and said "Mama"....... twice.

Coincidence..... maybe.  But I received it as God, speaking a promise straight to my heart.  Flooding me with hope and faith.  Letting me know that He sees me, He knows my deepest desires, and He hasn't forgotten.... 

I'm gonna be a mama!  Trev's gonna be a daddy!  We're gonna have a family!

Even now, the tears flow... happy tears... and my heart sings

I am so Loved!

My father Delights in me

 He gives good gifts

He knows me better than I know myself 

His heart is so beautiful!